Can i just curl under a rock and never come out again?
I had my interview today at Cleopatra’s, before being completely nervous and hyperventilating (not so literally) but you get the idea, and i’m a shy nervous wreck 95% of the time..i do wish i wasn’t that way, i make the cowardly lion look like the terminator, but anyway, i was kind of revising for this interview, prepping myself so that i had some idea of what i needed to say, saying it over and over in my head, and i got there and they didn’t even ask me any questions, only the basic, ‘where do you live? how old are you?’ and then i feel stupid and angry at myself for being so worked up over nothing, it happens every single time. Lets hope they call me back tomorrow, for a computer test, but while i want this job so i have money, and moving forward to a little bit more of a life again, i also don’t at the same time. I feel that i belong in the disney store, I REALLY BELONG THERE. So when they are hiring i will hand in my CV 600 times, and if i do get the job at Cleopatra’s i’ll feel like the most mean person ever, for leaving after working so little. But you have to follow what you want the most right? You can’t just sit back and let your opportunity, the one you’ve wanted for so long to go right by you, you have to go for it while it’s there.
Oh and i hate meadowhall, just for the reason that really pretty girls go there, especially this one woman today, who had legs that were longer than my whole body. she was so tall and slim and tan and with the most perfect legs; and i’m just ordinary me, clumsy, falling over myself, chubby, and definately with the worst legs that ever lived. Self esteem and confidence = nada. Why can’t i be one of those people, how do people even look like that, HOW!?
Sometimes i wish i could talk to my mum more..she doesn’t really listen to me, or understand what i’m feeling, i could tell her i was really nervous or worried, or ask her to help me just a little, and she’ll just get angry at me, so i’m forever wondering if i’m in the wrong for feeling what i do, or if she just doesn’t get anything at all. asqdfghjkjhgfds.